After our picnic. After our playing. After I played you a song about you I’d just written, I fell asleep and you left me. In the night. In the darkness.
We’d been drinking and listening to Bruce Springsteen.
You left me a letter talking about magic. The magic increasing each time you saw me. Telling me you’d take me somewhere soon.
In your letter, you said, “Darkness On The Edge of Town,” is playing right now. Right now.
Then, you left, while leaving my door unlocked and me alone in the darkness.
When I woke, I didn’t see the note you’d left me, at first. All I saw was the dark.
After crying, I saw it finally on the table. White paper on my white table. Easy to miss.
Though it gave me some comfort, your words, I ended up crying myself to sleep.
In the morning, I tried to reach you. And reach you. And I tried to understand why you would leave me unsafe in my home.
You texted me you didn’t mean to. You said you simply didn’t think of it and you were sorry.
But that wasn’t enough. That wasn’t enough at all. You wouldn’t even speak to me and explain.
What did you have to hide?
All of a sudden, I realized how little your compelling words matched up with your actions.
I felt violated. Betrayed.
And I recalled, then, the lyrics of Bruce’s song…
“Well everybody’s got a secret, son,
Something that they just can’t face
Some folks spend their whole lives trying to keep it
They carry it with them every step that they take
‘Til some day they just cut it loose
Cut it loose or let it drag ‘em down
Where no one asks any questions
Or looks too long in your face
In the darkness on the edge of town
In the darkness on the edge of town.”
It’s the darkness that’s on the edge of my mind. The same darkness that’s been there most of my life.
The one I know now with reticence… when you let someone in and show them your secret goodness. You show them you care. You love. And still, they carelessly break you.
It’s the same darkness I’m healing. And I will heal it.
But for some like you, who cannot face the darkness they own, I fear it will always remain… buried down deep or somewhere lurking on the edge.
